


Kissing Is Relative

by zsaszspaz



Category: Lupin III
Genre: F/M, Internalized Homophobia, Jigen's struggles with kissing ig lol, M/M, identity struggles?, jigen is gay, kind of its implied, this is short and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:42:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24602575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsaszspaz/pseuds/zsaszspaz
Summary: “You’ve had your first kiss, haven’t you, Jigen? When was it?”Jigen’s hand hesitated, hovering just in front of his cig. Yes, he had, obviously, but when was complicated. Naturally, he could say he lost his first kiss to the soft blond with pretty green eyes who cornered him in eighth grade and demanded a kiss, but that wouldn’t be the truth.
Relationships: Jigen Daisuke & Original Character(s)
Kudos: 15





	Kissing Is Relative

“You’ve had your first kiss, haven’t you, Jigen? When was it?”

Jigen’s hand hesitated, hovering just in front of his cig. Yes, he had, obviously, but  _ when _ was complicated. Naturally, he could say he lost his first kiss to the soft blond with pretty green eyes who cornered him in eighth grade and demanded a kiss, but that wouldn’t be the truth.

Sure, he pressed his lips to hers for a second, but it was desaturated. She asked him what the matter was, she had caught him staring at her, she had assumed this was what he wanted. In reality, Jigen had been looking at her because she was constantly smacking on gum, and it was grating. Jigen scoffed and told her she tasted of stale rubber, and she began to cry as he shoved her away. Jigen didn’t really count it.

He could say in eleventh grade. A tall girl with tan skin and slender limbs had been laughing with Jigen, shooting shit and having a good time. She fell silent and leaned in. Jigen had simply allowed her to kiss him. She pulled him closer and he sat there, eyes open and his palms clasped in his lap. When she pulled away she apologised without looking at him, flushed and giggly. Jigen told her she should be and he left, not looking back to see if she would chase after him, and lit a cigarette. Jigen still didn’t really count her.

He could say when he dropped out of school later that year and met a nineteen year old woman with long brown hair and hardened eyes. She was rougher than anything Jigen had experienced. Her fingers were calloused and she had more control over the situation than either of the other girls had. She was unafraid to push him around. For a moment, he thought maybe there would be a girl for him, finally. Until she pressed her lips against his. He drew his hands up to touch her body and had never recoiled from something so quickly. She pulled away, bewildered. She had a classically attractive feminine body, and yet pressing against it made Jigen feel sick. He told her to fuck off and he shoved her away. She swore at him and threw whatever was closest at him in a rage. Jigen…didn’t count her.

He hasn’t kissed another woman since.

Of course, that doesn’t mean he hasn’t kissed anyone.

When he was twenty four he went to a bar, an underground thing with seedy furniture and seedier people. Jigen hadn’t realised what the implications were when he opened the door and there were only men. He hadn’t even noticed, if he were being honest. He was there to drink his problems away, not stress himself out with more. He downed a healthy amount of vodka, and everything was a haze. A man with a sweet smile and gentle brown eyes had at some point sat next to him. They had been having a good time, and the man leaned in, his lips pressed against Jigen’s ear to let him hear him over the music and asked him to go outside with him. Jigen felt something stir deep down in him that he had been blocking out for as long as he could remember, and instead of going with his engrained  _ “fuck no”  _ he eagerly agreed. They stumbled out, and the man pulled Jigen in by his beard and he kissed him. It was hot and open mouthed; Jigen had his hands gripping onto his body, and the man had his hands tangled into Jigen’s hair. It was harsh, and he tasted of booze and cigarettes. It unlocked something primal and raw inside of Jigen that, when the guy pulled off of him and ran off when he caught wind of someone coming by, it crashed over Jigen and he cried. He sobbed on his knees until he began to retch, bile and vodka burning it’s way up his throat. That time Jigen remembered. He counted it.

“Don’t remember.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is the product of me basically declaring the daisuke jigen is homosexual and part of the reason he's so misogynistic is because he blames women for his lack of attraction to them lol


End file.
